Fool's Gold *

"Fool's Gold," a Bahamian treasure hunter cartoon-like romantic comedy, sputters about, taking on water through its plot holes, and listing badly for almost two hours, before finally sinking without a trace. The movie relies heavily on sight gags (like you're underwater and don't notice that your boat just sank behind you) and slapstick (as in literally slapping Matthew McConaughey with a stick about every twenty minutes). But, as is the convention in cartoons, the blows and attempts at murder don't seem to have an effect on the characters, with one exception I'll cover in a moment. Even huge explosions that throw McConaughey fifty feet into the air make for a walk-away landing. I swear I expected Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote to race across the bottom of the crystal-clear waters wearing scuba gear at some point.

The tone of forced merriment usually falls on its face, inducing cringes rather than guffaws. The story involves a divorcing wife, played by Kate Hudson, who, after six years of great sex but finding no Spanish treasure with McConaughey, is ready to go back to Chicago and get her Ph.D. McConaughey, whose preparation for this role apparently took place entirely in a gym, certainly looks buff, so you can believe what she says about the sex. So he runs around bare-chested for a good part of the movie, mugging his way through scenes. Hudson, working on a rich man's yacht, presumably saving for grad school, turns in an earnest performance. The rich guy with the big boat and the dumb daughter is played by Donald Sutherland, who for some reason is British. Sutherland, who was superb as the very English Mr. Bennet in "Pride and Prejudice" (2005), tries to relieve the tedium by seeing just how bad an English accent he can muster. Alexis Dziena, as the bimbo daughter, is utterly convincing.

And then there are the villains. It is, after all, the Bahamas, so the big bad guy is black rap star Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart) who has bought his own island, and whose two black henchmen are bumblers whose incompetence rises to the level of Stepin Fetchit. Writer/Director Andy Tennant must have realized he had strayed into non-PC territory here, because late in the film he brings in some Russian talent who promptly offs one of the henchmen in a show of Eastern-style restructuring. But if Bigg Bunny bought the island, isn't the treasure on it properly his, anyway?

The locations are beautiful; the photography excellent. It's nice to be reminded just how gorgeous the Bahamian waters can be (but that town is definitely not Key West, as they claim). To enjoy this locale, and two attractive leads, plus real locations and some suspense under water, I would recommend renting "Into the Blue" (2005), with an equally buff Paul Walker, and Jessica Alba, who looks much better in a bikini than Hudson.

Rated PG-13. 113 minutes. Directed by Andy Tennant. Written by John Claflin, Daniel Zelman, and Andy Tennant. Produced by Donald De Line, Bernie Goldman, Jon Klane. Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures. Principal actors: Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Suterland, Alexis Dziena.