All About Steve (no stars)

"All About Steve" is derivative drivel, not funny, and occasionally insults your intelligence. The story involves quirky motormouth repository-of-endless-knowledge crossword constructor Mary Magdalene Horowitz (Sandra Bullock) who chases cute CCN cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper) from disaster to disaster after a blind date, convinced they are perfect for each other.

Mary is, I suppose, supposed to be quirky but lovable, but is finally just irritating. Steve is a cardboard character who, I suppose, is supposed to be an island of sanity, but is finally just an uninvolved lump of masculinity telling Mary to go away. And the really big question, I suppose, is what do you suppose Bullock was thinking when she produced this picture? That she could make us like this weird character that no one likes? In the end, she doesn't pull it off, and the audience feels the same as everyone else: she talks too much and needs to grow up.

Preening newscasters are an easy target of this film, as are the superficial fixations of the media and the public's penchant for choosing sides in what should be private decisions. All well and good, and all deserved, but the easy laughs and gross, and I do mean gross, exaggerations just fall flat. There are a few varied locations for this semi-road picture, but somehow Arizona, Texas, and Colorado all look like the foothills of California, and are somehow close enough to each other that a van can drive between them in time to catch breaking news.

Bullock and Cooper, and Thomas Hayden Church as the newscaster, are pleasant enough to watch, but there's nothing they can do to save this turkey. Don't waste your money at the theater, don't rent it, and give it a pass when it hits free TV.

Rated PG-13. 98 minutes. Phil Traill - Director, Kim Barker - Writer, Sandra Bullock - Producer, Mary McLaglen - Producer, Tim Suhrstedt - Cinematographer, Christophe Beck - Composer, Maher Ahmad - Production Designer, Rod Dean - Editor, Virginia Katz - Editor. Produced by Fortis Films. Distributed by Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation.

Principal actors: Sandra Bullock, Thomas Haden Church, Bradley Cooper, Ken Jeong, DJ Qualls, Katy Mixon, and Howard Hesseman.